Full of Smoke
by Tetra26
Summary: Sometimes, the one who finds it hardest to forgive you is yourself. Tragedy, character deaths, angst. Wolfram-centric. Wolfram x Yuuri, if you squint – with bifocals on.
1. Chapter 1

Full of Smoke

by Tetra26 a.k.a Batty Gal on LJ

Summary – Sometimes, the one who finds it hardest to forgive you is yourself. Tragedy; character deaths; angst. Wolfram-centric. Wolfram x Yuuri, if you squint – with bifocals on.

* * *

Chapter I of III

* * *

_**Sixth Moon, Day 11, Year 24 of the 27th Maou**_

Six minutes away from the seventeenth hour of the day, death bells started to ring solemnly across Shin Makoku.

Their enchanting tone signaled a death in the royal family that came too early to that person's loved ones, but had been expected for the past year.

However, unlike the last death that occurred at Blood Pledge Castle, this one came _naturally_.

* * *

"Will you attend the funeral, sir?"

"I'm one of the Ten Nobles. It's obligatory."

"Very well. When will you be leaving?"

"I'll leave the day before."

"And your nephew?"

"I don't want him anywhere near that _monster_ again," Walterona von Bielefeld forcefully said to his servant.

* * *

"Have you and Günter finished the preparations for the funeral?" Conrart asked.

"Almost. I sill have a few things to work out," Gwendal said.

"Do you think _he'll_ show up?"

"I doubt it. Walterona probably hasn't even told him about it – and you know that he rarely leaves that place or talks to anyone."

The two men looked at each other, both knowing what the other was thinking about.

"Do you think we did the right thing? By staying here by the Maou's side after what happened with our brother?" Conrart quietly asked. It was a question that had haunted him for so many years.

"Honestly? I don't know. I don't think I'll ever know if this was right. I stayed here out of duty but, sometimes I wish I would have left right behind him."

Conrart looked a little longer into Gwendal's eyes before lowering his own to the floor.

"So do I," the sad-eyed man said. "So do I."

* * *

In a not-so-crowded market in the Bielefeld territories, five children held hands, danced around in a circle, and sang:

_'The Princess rests in her golden grave for now,_

_Grave-robbers will dig it up and steal it somehow,_

_Melt it down, into a crown, some bracelets and a ring,_

_And when the Prince dies they will do the same thing.'_

"Great Shinou, what kind of morbid song is _that_!" a scandalized-looking man asked the merchant that was wrapping up his goods.

"Kids these days," the merchant shrugged as he put his customer's items in the bag. "You would think they would have enough respect not to sing those things when a princess dies."

"Wait, a princess died? Of which country?"

"You don't know? Buddy, what rock have you been living under? The Princess of Shin Makoku, of course!" the merchant said as he handed the man his bag. He went over to attend to his other customers.

The man stood there in shock, his already-fragile mind trying to take in the latest news.

The Princess of Shin Makoku was dead.

The girl who had held a special place in his heart for many years was dead.

Greta was dead.

* * *

The front door of the manor was violently closed behind one _very_ upset mazoku.

"Uncle! Uncle where are you!" Wolfram von Bielefeld bellowed out.

"I'm right here, no need to yell," his smooth-talking uncle said from the doorway of the lounge.

"Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell me that _she_ was dead?"

"I didn't want to upset you. Come, have a seat in the lounge with me." Walterona looked over to his servant. "Get us some tea," he said.

The two men went and sat down in the lounge. After calming himself down, Wolfram started to speak again.

"Why didn't you let me know? I can handle it."

"Then why are you so upset?"

"Because I wished you would have told me instead of having to find it out in the market."

Walterona sighed. "What were you doing in the market, anyhow? You could have sent a servant."

"I just wanted to... get out, for once," the dejected man said.

The two men paused as the servant brought in and served their tea. After a few moments, Wolfram spoke up again.

"I.. want to go to the funeral."

Walterona almost choked on his tea. "What? You want to go to the funeral? Why?"

Wolfram looked down at the cup in his hands. "I think it might be good for... closure."

"Closure? Of what? If anything, it will hurt you worse than it already has."

"I don't think there's anything that can hurt me more than what has already happened," the man said, softly. Like many times over the past sixteen years, his hands started to shake upon remembering it – and he put his cup down, just to be safe.

"Wolfram, going back there might trigger... that state again. I don't want to see you hospitalized again."

"I won't be. As long as I take my medication, I should be alright."

"Wolfram, it's still not a good idea..."

"Even after what happened between us, I haven't forgotten the times before that. She was still my daughter, regardless. I need to see.. I need to see for myself."

"What happens when you see _him_? What then?"

The blond was silent. He really didn't know what would happen when he saw the one who almost destroyed him years ago.

"Let me deal with that when it comes."

His uncle sighed again, in defeat. "Fine, you can go, but if you feel like you can't handle it, tell me and we'll leave. _Immediately_."

* * *

Wolfram looked down at the body of the beautiful woman who had once been his daughter.

She had grown up to be so lovely and wonderful, and he had been so proud to have her by his side.

Until that miserable day.

Even now, looking at her lifeless body, he didn't fault her for what happened. He never did. He faulted himself for lashing out immediately at _him_, thinking that he was somehow _violating_ his daughter. It hadn't even crossed his mind that she had been a willing participant that day.

After everything had been over and done, and he had known the truth, he temporarily lost his grip on reality. For many years, he faded in and out of hospitals – his mind terribly shattered and unable to cope with his surroundings.

And he still couldn't blame anyone other than himself – especially not her.

He still loved her. She was, after all, his daughter.

The fractured man made his way out of the viewing room.

* * *

"You've gotten so tall," Conrart said to his youngest brother. "I could hardly believe it was you."

"Yes, I guess I have grown some," Wolfram said, and gave his brother a tentative smile.

"Have you been alright?" Gwendal asked, quietly.

"I'm alright. For now. I'm just taking it as it comes," he said.

"I'm surprised you're here, but I'm happy to see you," Günter said, and the other two men nodded their agreement.

"I'm happy to see you all again, too," Wolfram said, truthfully.

The men stood around the circle, chatting until it was time to enter the shrine for the final part of the service.

As he entered the shrine, Wolfram felt a chill. He was wary of coming across Shinou, for he had more than had his share of him for the past sixteen years. The man had regularly shown up in his life, and hadn't failed to let it be known how he felt about the fire mazoku after what happened all those years ago.

Though Conrart tried to get him to go near the front, he declined and decided to stay in the back – away from as many prying eyes as possible. He was beyond sick of seeing them look at him in pity, as if they were expecting him to break down and cry and attempt to off himself in their presence.

Most importantly, he didn't want anyone to see him cringe as Shinou forced his mind to replay that terrible day from sixteen years ago.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

Full of Smoke

by Tetra26 a.k.a Batty Gal on LJ

Summary – Sometimes, the one who finds it hardest to forgive you is yourself. Tragedy; character deaths; angst. Wolfram-centric. Wolfram x Yuuri, if you squint – with bifocals on.

* * *

Chapter II of III

* * *

_**Third Moon, Day 5, Year 8 of the 27th Maou**_

_Wolfram von Bielefeld had just come back to Blood Pledge Castle from a visit to his Uncle Walterona in Bielefeld territories. He had collected a bunch of odds and ends, and had a special present for his daughter._

_He had searched in her room, and had not found her. He asked around, and a guard mentioned that she had went towards the back section of the castle. He made his way towards that section to continue his search for her._

_He had just rounded a corner when he heard a loud gasp and his daughter moan in what he thought was pain. Wolfram had been instantly alarmed, and had drawn his sword. He burst into the door that he had heard the sounds come from, and was shocked at what he saw._

_He was on top of his daughter. Him, of all people. They were both naked, and in the act. Wolfram saw the tears in his daughter's eyes as she scrambled to get out from under the man, and assumed that she was being raped. _

_He acted._

_His daughter's screamed words didn't register in his mind, and he attacked who he believed was his daughter's assailant. He didn't give a damn just who it was he was attacking, that someone had the nerve to force his daughter to do something she didn't want to do was enough grounds to kill him._

_And he did._

_He stood over the smoldering body as his daughter wrapped herself in a sheet and ran screaming for help. He was so very angry that he didn't give a damn what the fallout was, because he was still under the impression that his daughter had been violated._

_As the others came and saw what he had done, he told them that he didn't regret killing someone who raped his daughter. And it was true, he didn't._

_Until his daughter tearfully told him that she wasn't being raped._

_Wolfram had stood in shock as her words hit him, and realized just what a terrible mistake he had made. He turned back to the man he had unjustly murdered, and stared down at his unrecognizable remains._

_He stayed speechless as his inconsolable daughter pounded her hands against his chest, and proclaimed that he had just killed the man she loved – which was news to him._

_She angrily looked at him and told him that she hated him, and would never forgive him for his crime. _

_He watched as Shinou appeared in front of the corpse, and looked at him with steel blue eyes. 'Your action this day is unforgivable,' he said, before fading out of view again._

_He heard his brothers shout out behind him, but the words didn't make sense to him. He felt the air in the room change, and knew what was about to happen. He didn't even bother to turn around, and he closed his eyes to accept his Judgment from behind._

_The pain that had shot through his body had been unbearable, and he had screamed until he couldn't anymore. He was lifted in mid-air, and he felt bones in his body shift and shatter without even having been touched. Both of his arms, his hands, his legs, his ribs, his ankles – broken._

_Wolfram begged – not for his life, but for his death._

_'I want you to live,' the one responsible for his punishment had said in an unusually cold voice. 'I want you to live and regret this day for the rest of your worthless, murderous, life.'_

_He was still semi-conscious when he was unceremoniously dropped to the ground, and the pain was immense. He heard the ruckus behind him, but couldn't make out the words. His daughter was sobbing, not for him, but for the man he had killed. Her declaration of hate for him had hurt him far worse than his punishment, and he knew that things would never be the same between them._

_Or between him and everyone else._

_His eyes focused on the Great Sage._

_The still-smoking body of the other man was the last thing Wolfram saw before fading into the abyss._

* * *

Wolfram's mind was on its third replay by the time it came for the Maou to speak.

He had been trying so hard not to physically react to Shinou's assault on his mind that he missed much of the final eulogy from Greta's friends. It wasn't until he heard Yuuri's voice that he was able to fight back against Shinou and push him out of his mind temporarily.

He looked at the man that he hadn't seen in sixteen years. He listened to him speak of Greta's childhood, his life with her, and the things they had experienced with each other when she was growing up.

He noted that his name was never brought up, as if he hadn't shared that History with the two as well.

As the Maou got into the later years of her life, he listened intently. He hadn't been there for her in those years, and had always wondered what she was doing with her life – without him. When Yuuri was talking about Greta's courageousness in the face of disease, up until her dying day, sadness overcame him. He wondered how painful it had been for her in her last days.

Conrart had informed him that Greta had died of cancer, and had filled him in on how Greta had struggled with it, beat it temporarily, and gotten it again. Even with Earth treatment, there wasn't anything that could have been done for her, in the end.

It was during the Maou's discussion of the few weeks prior to her death that he looked towards the back of the room and locked eyes with Wolfram. Wolfram noted that his eyes widened and he stumbled on his words while looking at him, and the blond quickly put his head down.

He remembered the last conversation they had held between them, which was right before he went to find Greta on that unforgettable day. Yuuri had told him, after they had gotten back from the Bielefeld territories, that he had something to discuss with him later that night.

When Wolfram had curiously asked what it was about, Yuuri had smiled at him in his special way, and told him that it was a surprise.

He had always wondered what that surprise would have been.

* * *

After the funeral was finally over, Wolfram slipped out of the room, fully intending to leave before coming face to face with Yuuri.

On his way out, however, he found himself unable to leave the place – and instead being drawn towards another room in the shrine. He knew it was a part of Shinou's trickery that was taking him there, and wondered what the dead king had in store for him _this_ time. He closed the door behind him, and leaned against it, awaiting the other man's appearance.

Immediately, right in front of his face, the ghostly figure appeared.

They looked into each other's eyes. Wolfram awaited the torture that the man would inflict on him this time, and braced himself in case it was enough to cause him to black out.

The dead king looked at him with a sad face, one that he didn't normally use when he came to taunt Wolfram. "Why do you keep doing this to yourself?"

Wolfram was confused. "Doing what to myself?"

"Torturing yourself."

Wolfram couldn't believe what the other man was saying. "Torturing myself? You're the one that's..."

"I have done no such thing," Shinou interrupted. "Your mind has done all of this to you."

"What kind of trick is this? Are you telling me that it's been my mind, and not you, taunting me all these years? Replaying that day over and over again? Driving my mad?"

"Yes."

Wolfram laughed. "Alright, if that's what you say! You and I both know that's a lie. Wasn't it you that said what I had done was unforgivable?"

"Even I say things heatedly. However, I haven't been the one torturing you. That's been your own psyche."

"I don't believe you... how is this all in my mind? And why does it seem so real? Sixteen years of you tormenting me, and you are now saying it was _me_ doing it all along, to myself? I simply can't believe that to be true."

"Wolfram, I would never do something like that to you, regardless of what has happened."

"I killed him. I killed your friend. Why _wouldn't_ you do something like that to someone like me?"

"Because I know you wouldn't have done so had you not thought he was endangering your daughter."

Wolfram closed his eyes. His mind reeled from what Shinou told him, and he simply couldn't believe it. "Why should I believe you? How do I know this isn't one of your games? I can't take it anymore."

"Wolfram..."

"I Can't. Take. It. Any. More," he said. "Don't you get it? I regret what I did. I've regretted it ever since I found out that I _killed_ an innocent man. There's not a day that goes by that I don't remember what I did and _hate_ myself for it. I have paid for my crime over, and over, and over again. I lost everything. My daughter. My reputation. My dignity. My _love_. I don't care if it's you, or my mind, but I can't live like this anymore!"

"Then stop doing this to yourself."

Wolfram looked in disbelief at the ghostly figure, who had never looked more sincere at him. He wondered if the man was really telling him the truth about it not having been him doing those things all these years.

"If all of this is true, why are you – the real you – telling me this only now? Why not before?"

"The mind is a funny thing, Wolfram. I tried, but your mind managed to close itself completely off to me. You've always been strong-willed and stubborn, even in your current state."

The dead king momentarily solidified, and placed his hands on Wolfram's shoulders.

"Wolfram, you have been forgiven. By me, by everyone who you cared about the most..."

"Greta never forgave me..."

"She did. When you get back to your uncle, ask him for the letters she had been sending you for the past nine years."

"What?!" Wolfram asked, jumping away from Shinou's touch. He simply couldn't believe it – that Greta had sent him correspondence for _nine__ years_, and he hadn't known about it. He knew, if Shinou was telling him the truth, it was Walterona's way of protecting him. However, he fumed at the idea of him having missed out on the chance to reconcile with his daughter before her death.

"And she isn't the only one who has forgiven you, Wolfram. You shouldn't avoid the person you need to talk to the most."

Wolfram instantly knew that Shinou was referring to the Maou. "I can't..."

The door opened behind Wolfram, and he turned around quickly. He stepped backwards when he saw it was Yuuri.

Wolfram looked around for an escape, but the only way out was that one door, which the Maou then closed.

"I'll leave you two to have the conversation that you should have had years ago," Shinou said, and phased through the back wall.

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

Full of Smoke

by Tetra26 a.k.a Batty Gal on LJ

Summary – Sometimes, the one who finds it hardest to forgive you is yourself. Tragedy; character deaths; angst. Wolfram-centric. Wolfram x Yuuri, if you squint – with bifocals on.

* * *

Chapter III of III

* * *

The two men stared at each other for quite some time. Neither of them could figure out a way to break their sixteen-year silence to one another.

Wolfram was terrified. Not of any physical violence that the man might do to him, but of the rejection that he expected to come. Even with Shinou hinting that the Maou had forgiven him for murdering his best friend, he was afraid that all of this was still a trick.

Yuuri was equally terrified. He had wanted, for so many years, to find Wolfram – to tell him that he had forgiven him. To ask forgiveness for his violent actions in return. But he had heard the whispers about Wolfram's mental state, and was afraid that going to him would make him worse off.

Wolfram decided to speak first. After all, he had nothing to lose – he had already lost everything. He still couldn't bring himself to believe that Shinou hadn't been the one tricking him, but he didn't think things could get any worse than they had been for the past sixteen years.

"Yuuri, I'm sorry. For everything," he said. "I know what I did was unforgivable..."

"I forgave you years ago, Wolfram. Can you forgive me?"

Wolfram was more surprised at hearing Yuuri ask _him_ for forgiveness than hearing that the other man had forgiven him. "Forgive you? Why would I need to forgive you? You did nothing wrong..."

"Wolfram, I almost killed you."

"But you were right to..."

"No. I reacted the same way you did, without knowing the whole truth of the matter."

"What do you mean?"

"What I mean is, I probably wouldn't have done that had I known the reason behind what happened. I simply ran to the commotion, took in the scene, and reacted. I didn't know that you only did it because you thought Murata was raping her."

Wolfram was shocked. He had always thought that the Maou had did that to him even knowing the reason why he had killed the Sage. "That doesn't change that I'm a murderer though," he said, bitterly.

"It doesn't change that you killed him, but you aren't a murderer. If I had come across a scene like that and assumed my daughter was being raped, I would have probably done the same thing as you – regardless of who it was."

Yuuri's words resonated throughout Wolfram's mind, and the sixteen-year wall of anguish he had built inside of him started to crumble.

"So once again, I ask. Do you forgive me?" Yuuri said, and smiled at him.

"Like I said, there's nothing to forgive – but yes, I..."

Suddenly, Wolfram screamed as sharp pains went through his head. His mind started to replay the events from that unfortunate day. The murder; the attack; the physical recovery; the first time he had a meltdown afterwards; the "treatment" for his mental problems; his first and only suicide attempt; "Shinou's" taunts; all of it came back to him.

Wolfram's vision of Yuuri faded out, and he collapsed to the floor.

* * *

"_Did you really think it would be that easy?" Shinou's amused voice rang in Wolfram's ears._

_Wolfram couldn't open his eyes, he couldn't move, he didn't even know where he was – he was simply in darkness._

"_Did you? Answer me. Did you really think you could go back to Shin Makoku, and would be forgiven for your murderous act?"_

_Wolfram couldn't say anything. He simply listened to the familiar, taunting voice that had harassed him daily for sixteen years._

"_Do you really think what just happened was real?"_

_Wolfram didn't know what to think. Had the entire thing been fake? Everything had seemed so very real, he found it hard to believe it wasn't. How could that have not been Greta's body in that casket? How could that have not been Conrart's arms that wrapped him into a hug? How could that have not been Yuuri in front of him, forgiving him?_

"_You really are delusional."_

_Wolfram tried to move his mouth to speak, but nothing could come out._

"_Those people hate you there."_

_Those people? Why would Shinou would refer to them as those people when he's one of them? And why was his voice starting to sound so strange?_

"_They don't want you back here," Shinou's voice cracked, weirdly._

_Here? But didn't he just say there? Wolfram was even more confused. Where was he? Back at the manor? In the shrine? In the castle? Or in the hospital again, perhaps?_

"_You don't belong here," the voice said, sounding nothing like Shinou_

_Wolfram was beginning to understand what was going on._

"_I don't belong here," his voice said, only he wasn't the one who used it._

_So Shinou had been telling the truth! This had never been his work – it had always been Wolfram's own doing. Always._

"_They can't forgive me," his voice said, sadly._

"_They already have," Wolfram said, finally managing to speak up. "I'm the only one who couldn't forgive me."_

_Wolfram felt himself losing lucidity again, and whatever piece of him that had played such trickery on himself spoke up, one last time._

"_Until now."_

* * *

"What did you do to him?" Walterona von Bielefeld demanded of the Maou. "Don't you understand how messed up he is? Hasn't he been through enough?"

"I didn't do anything to him! We were talking, and all of a sudden he screamed, held his head, and passed out!" the worried man said.

"What did you say to him?"

"I didn't say anything bad, I just asked him to forgive me."

Walterona stopped dead in his pacing. "You _what_?"

"I asked him to forgive me," Yuuri repeated.

"And that's _all_ you said?"

"Yes, other than telling him I had already forgiven him when he apologized to me."

Walterona closed his eyes and sighed. "I guess even that was too much for him. I knew I shouldn't have allowed him to come here."

Yuuri looked over to where Wolfram lay, still unconscious. "Please tell me, what's wrong with him?"

Walterona opened his eyes and shot a look at the Maou. He wanted to say something insulting to him, he wanted to tell the other man that _he_ was what was wrong with Wolfram.

But he couldn't bring himself to do it. The other man was looking at his nephew with such an intense sadness that his heart started to break for him. He sighed, and decided to give the Maou a truthful answer.

"Sometimes, he goes into this sort of state – where nothing, and no one, can reach him. He has never told anyone what happens when he's like that, but from his screaming and whimpering at times – I can tell it's due to what happened all those years ago."

Walterona watched as Yuuri's face crumpled up, and saw the tears forming in the other man's eyes.

"I have never forgiven myself for that," the man said, his voice lower than normal. "I almost killed him. I _wanted_ to kill him."

It was then that Walterona realized that he was no longer talking to the _regular_ Maou. He was talking to the _other_ form of him, even though his looks didn't change. He stepped backwards, nervous about what the other man might do.

"Did you know, I would have killed him if he hadn't begged me to die? Do you understand? I thought I would punish him worse by making him _live_, since he wanted to _die_."

The tears that had formed in the Maou's eyes spilled. "You know, I had told him right before that event that I had a surprise for him. Did you know what it was?"

Walterona shook his head. He was simply stunned by hearing the other man's side of things, and was still worried.

The Maou walked over and sat in a chair beside the bed Wolfram lay in. He took one of his hands, and ran it through the other man's blond locks.

"I was going to finally confess to him that night. That I loved him," the man said sadly. "Amazing how things never go the way you want them to."

The shocked Walterona silently continued to look on as the Maou continued to look down at his nephew, the tears still streaming down his face.

For the first time in sixteen years, he began to regret shutting Wolfram off from everyone else.

* * *

Three days after he collapsed in the shrine, Wolfram was set to leave Blood Pledge Castle.

"Are you sure you're well enough to leave?" Gwendal asked in a worried voice.

"I'm better now, seriously," Wolfram said.

"You can stay and rest here as long as you need to," Conrart said.

"I'm good. Besides, Uncle needs to leave. I don't want to hold him up."

"Wolfram, promise me... don't be a stranger this time," Yuuri said.

Wolfram smiled warmly at the Maou. "I won't."

"Wolfram, I'm ready!" his uncle called out from in front of the carriage.

"Well, this is goodbye. For now," he said, and smiled at the other men.

He took his time to hug each man, and wished them well. He then bowed to them, and went to get into the carriage.

He waved goodbye, and continued to watch them until they were out of sight.

After about ten minutes of silence, his uncle spoke up.

"You know, you _could_ have stayed," his uncle grumbled.

Wolfram was slightly shocked at what he said.

"I mean, it seems to me that it was _good_ for you. Besides, you could have reconciled even _more_ with your brothers and the Maou."

Wolfram was simply amazed that his uncle, who had notoriously stressed that he shouldn't have anything to do with Blood Pledge Castle again over the years, was saying this to him. He supposed it was his begrudging way of apologizing for having done so.

"I want to take things slow, Uncle," he said, truthfully. "It's too soon for me to go back. I still need to come to terms with a few more things, and I think it would be good for all of us to get to know each other all over again. Especially since we're all different people now."

His uncle grunted his agreement, and stared at Wolfram, his arms crossed.

Wolfram crossed his own arms, and looked at the other man intently. "Now about those letters that Greta sent that you didn't give to me..." he said, slyly.

He watched the other man's eyes widen in horror, and mentally egged himself on. It was going to be a _long_ trip back to Bielefeld territories, and Wolfram intended to make his uncle _squirm_ while trying to come up with excuses for his deception.

He may as well make someone else miserable besides himself, for once.

* * *

Author's notes: Whew, long one! I know it's sad in the beginning, and the ending isn't all that happy, but that's the way it came out. Poor Murata and Greta – cannon fodder for my plot. I promise to make it up to them soon.

Would you believe I came up with this plot while writing the _lighthearted_ sequel to "1 Up"? WTF self? And, I ended up finishing this instead of finishing that because this wouldn't go away.

Anyhow, this was just me experimenting with a genre besides romance and sex (lol). I actually cried a few times while writing this (I killed Murata! How could I _not_ cry?), and ended up not making it as tragic as I intended to. I guess I'm too much of a wimp after all, huh?

Oh yeah, that little song the children sang was just me making something up. It's probably nonsensical considering that whatever language they use, those particular words wouldn't rhyme with each other. Ye Olde Fail.


End file.
